We cannot grow, move forward, or create anything new if we are slaves to our thinking.

Our thought patterns dictate our behavioral choices. Every thought takes form on some level. They are there because of internal pressures and the dialogues we create. We mix that with perceived external pressures and expectations placed upon us by society.

Here is my advice: do not let the tyranny of trends dictate your thinking. Stop listening to the random chatter of your mind and consciously choose to redirect your thinking.

Easier said than done, right?

We live in a world where we are subject to fear-based thinking. It is all around us. I don’t have a TV, but sometimes when I travel, I will watch television. I’m always surprised how quickly I become anxious and disillusioned.

If the endless bad news underlined with anxiety-driving subtitles and music don’t get to me, then the advertisements definitely do. Something is constantly wrong and needs fixing. If not me, then it’s the sad state of the world. It’s an endless parade of hopelessness, disaster, and despair.

If I were to watch that every day, I’d for sure be nothing but fearful, deeply paralyzed, and depressed.

And fear is NEVER a good thing. Fear-based decisions have never led me anywhere good.  Mostly, they have only held me hostage and limited my understanding of the choices I’ve had.

And believe me, I am no stranger to anxiety, depression and paralysis: deep beliefs that my life was never going to change.

BUT, I had to overcome my own “stinking thinking.” I had to take charge of my thinking and the emotional reality I was creating. I had a burning desire to break my patterns, create a new thought paradigm, and with it, a new world for myself.

So when I write this, I’m not regurgitating hypotheticals. I am speaking from experience. Creating a new thought paradigm isn’t easy, but it works. It is also not something that you “attain once” and then slack off. Mental muscles are just like physical muscles; if you do not work on keeping them up, they will head down and take you with them.

As a coach, it is my job to help you attain your goals, but we have to start at the level of thought. Your thoughts dictate your behavioral choices.

The good news is that you can train your brain.

We are not, however, trying to control our thinking.

There’s nothing worse than people who desperately try to control what they think, say, or do. They feel like ticking time bombs to me, bound to go off at any moment.

Self-observation and the practice of non-attachment — which means not being so attached to the outcome or even to your idea of how the world works — leads to mindful conversations around thoughts and habits, allowing us to see correlations. It gives us an opportunity to make ourselves vulnerable to one another.

Sometimes this means that we need to not only simply observe our habits, thoughts, and feelings, but also learn how to stay present when things get tough.

In my experience, people need to have a burning desire in order to change anything. They need to feel fed up with the way things are going. They need to feel passionate about wanting to implement new habits.

As long as we feel embarrassed, as long as we allow ourselves to be at the mercy of the world and let negative thinking control our habits, we will succumb to fear and doubt.

One of the biggest problems around us is often the influence of people in our lives.

Most people are stuck, unable to process a wide range of feelings. These people perpetuate fear and doubt.

Have you ever noticed how when you share an idea with people who are stuck in their own lives, they just try to plant seeds of fear in your brain, unable to envision your idea?

I know I have.

I’m mindful of whose opinion I value, and how much time I spend with people who project their discomfort and are unwilling to make meaningful progress in their own lives.

In the end, it is my responsibility to not be at the receiving end of it. I can’t stop people from nurturing their self-deprecating thinking, but I can choose to not listen.

I have to remind myself to not allow someone else’s negative thinking to infiltrate my state of mind. I cannot let someone who has never set out to leave their comfort zone discourage me from going after something I think matters.

Here are 15 basic rules to avoid being dragged down by those around you:

  1. Don’t share your goals with trolls
  2. Set healthy boundaries around people who do not support you
  3. Avoid “toxic environments”
  4. Create a team of personal advisors to keep you accountable and share your joy
  5. Invite constructive feedback from those people, ignore all others
  6. Know that truth without kindness is violence at best
  7. Be selective in the information flow infiltrating your brain
  8. Learn to love some people from a healthy distance
  9. Remember that you don’t owe anyone anything
  10. Take ownership of your thoughts and feelings
  11. Watch your thoughts without judgment
  12. Learn to sit in discomfort
  13. Create a daily habit of self-observation
  14. Be patient with yourself
  15. Schedule your life and goals. It translates thoughts into action.

I will leave you with this. People can learn, change and grow. But only if they want to change the way they think.

Do you?


Lots of love,