What I do when I feel defeated (…and it’s not making lemonade)

lemon slice

 

No matter what we do, life will be challenging at times. It will hand us lemons. And making lemonade might not always be the best choice. 

Ugh – it sucks when we take a sudden trip to unrelenting hell.

All we can do is get through it and grow stronger.

Sometimes it’s not even worth stopping and figuring out WHY it is happening. It just is, and we have to show up and deal with it.

Rather than losing yourself down the “Why is this happening and how can I prevent this?” mental track, I suggest you jump into action and look ahead.

Accept and move forward.

And forget that damn lemonade.  Why hold onto something and transform it when you can leave it, learn from it, and make a positive change?

Stay focused on what moves you forward and leave the rest behind. Evaluate the pattern when you are already moving upward, not when you are down and defeated.

It’s too easy to lose yourself in a pattern of analysis paralysis, so instead get moving. Transformation comes from action – not candy coded rhetoric. 

 

Start by accepting the situation

Some things just are what they are. We have to learn how to accept a situation for what it is, and realize that some things we cannot change. We have to deal with it, show up for it. It's nobodies fault. Acceptance is the answer to most of our problems today. We might have to admit that it is time to quit or change direction. 

 

Know the difference between failing and being a failure

It’s ok to fail. Failing does not define who you are as a person or create an overarching theme in your life. Avoid blaming yourself and accept that your self-worth is not defined by temporary setbacks. 

 

Get out of the house

Reach out, get out. Do something social, even if you don’t feel like it. Seek out uplifting company. Stay engaged in life and participate. If you can’t push yourself, ride on someone else’s momentum. Delight in another’s growth and let that move you forward. Surround yourself with people who inspire you. You are never alone in this. 

 

Move your body

Keep that blood flowing and keep the endorphins high. Stretch, take a walk, or go for a run whenever self-defeating thoughts creep in. Move a muscle and change a thought. My favorite is a personalized yoga practice lasting anywhere between 5-95 minutes each morning. Stick to the routine. Get out of your head and into your body first thing in the morning to avoid being seduced by the self-defeating chatter of your mind.

 

Roll up your sleeves and get better

The most inspired people I know are people that fail over and over and over again. They learned how to roll up their sleeves and get better. They go back to the drawing board. They pivot, perfect, and recreate.

 

Set an intention for the day 

Try jotting something down in your journal or yelling out a positive mantra. Visualize something awesome you want to accomplish in your day. Whatever it is, give yourself direction for the day! It’s a game of mental fitness. You can create the story in your head.

 

Practice joy and gratitude

Acting “as if” is usually the last thing I want to do, but often the most effective thing I can do. I don’t have to dwell in defeat. I live my life by setting my intention for the day and envisioning the best possible outcome. This attitude resonates with people, causing new doors to fly open, accompanied by a steady stream of love and support.  Nobody likes to be around people who stay down and complain. Get up, dust yourself off, and seize the day.

 

Accept responsibility for your feelings

Taking ownership is as important as taking action. We are not victims of circumstance. I don’t mean to diminish the awful life-changing circumstances we might encounter; our consequent emotional landscape and how we choose to translate those emotions is what matters. Stay in a constructive mood. Be a source of calm and a voice of reason— to yourself and others.

 

Maintain your mental discipline

Feeling defeated is a choice we make. Being defeated and feeling defeated are two different things. You have the power to choose what you see. Our emotions run on a cause-and-effect pattern. Rather than dwelling on what went wrong, remain focused on new opportunities.  Don’t allow your mind to wander into doomsday.  

 

Choose a mantra    

Pick a positive mantra for the day and use it EVERY TIME a self-defeating thought creeps in. It can be anything from “This too shall pass” to “I’ve got this”. One of my favorite Kundalini mantras is “sa ta na ma”, which helps intercept obsessive thought processes and addictive behaviors.

 

Whatever your current trip into unrelenting hell might be – know this:

 

It’s all temporary.

 

It will pass!

 

Stay strong, stay open and feel free to reach out to share your story with me.

 

Much love,

Silvia